Next Lifetime…. 

​I will be your Queen and you my King… I will be in your arms again.. until then I will live  my peasants life, visiting you only in my dreams….reliving every moment  of your smile, your kiss, your touch… Until then I will cling to the notion of a next lifetime…. 

I will wait for you in my dreams because my heart will forever be open to you my King, now and always. 

Natty ODou

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……

I have no tears left the fuel is gone, I’ve broken into the reserve but the tank is empty…. don’t think that the pain is not there it still hurts like hell ….but the heart is now on autopilot trying to protect the pieces that was destroyed in the crash…. Savaging for anything that will get the heart running again. 

Natty ODou

D Aftermath 

Waiting for death, the death of my heart… 

The pain will be unbearable, the pain will be inevitable, the pain will be deep but would I survive or would I sleep? 

Fool! fool to think that I could survive this war…. A war of loss, love, hurt and pain, a war of raging emotions that remains the same. 

Waiting for death, for the welcome relief from sleepless nights, the constant reminder of my tainted life… Waiting for death. 

Natty ODou 

Happy New Year?… 

Why must we keep rehashing the issue? The physical pain I feel is remembrance enough to last a lifetime. I dream the pain I wake up in pain I move in pain I breath pain…. it could of been worse they say, but does that make the pain go away? 

Mentally my walls are cracked my back is broken and I’m not sure how to get my sanity back…. I know the physical will eventually leave but who will fix the mental piece…. 

Dreams of rage of fire of shame, dreams of dying as the shots runs though my brain…. So why must we keep rehashing?….

Forget, I want to forget but how do I achieve that when the chants becomes louder “You deserve it” they say, you know it will never go away it was part of their plan so will you let it stand or will you open your hand and give your dart a chance to calm your heart and dance?

 Pop a pill to ease the pain pop a pill so your dark remains sane ….Now I see that this is why they take their lives and the others too ….the dark is strong and it’s getting stronger… Pop a pill to make it weak will they know that the struggle is real?… No, no because If we continue to tell ourselves that it was us that caused the pain, then we can keep the dark at bay…. “Move slow” don’t listen…”breath calm” don’t listen… “break the restraint” don’t listen….When will it stop?! 
NattyODou 

Y..

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You asked me to change
You’re holding us back you said…
You asked me to change for the better so I did…
You said be more compassionate, so I became a humanitarian,
…be more domestically inclined, so I became a maid,
…open up to your inner sexual beast, so I became a pornstar,
…be spontaneous, so I asked you to be my wife.

Yet with all these changes the list keeps growing, your wants are never ending, do you even know who I am? You asked me to change but I will do so no more…I’ll kindly let go of your hand and I’ll remain the same, while You Change.

Natty ODou

ListeN

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I didn’t want it, it was you who asked for the ride and I complied…I didn’t want it, you said it was right and I said you may be right…I didn’t want it, now it’s here to stay and I want to run away…Hell, I didn’t want it, you said it’s my fault but did you not read the clause? I said that I didn’t want it.

Natty ODou

 

SaVe mE

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The door was locked when I arrived beaten and lost…with bleeding hands I pounded the solid oak hoping for help…but no one came….stumbling through the dark I crawled to the next door which  was slightly ajar, so I pushed while screaming for help… the door became stuck…and then I noticed a shadow in the dim light… sticking my torn  hand through the gap, I begged for help…but the shadow disappeared… knowing that I can go no further I withdrew my hand as I withdrew myself, into myself thinking, only I can save me…

Natty ODou