I remember being in the basement listening to music when my mom walked down the stairs telling me to play a particular song once my dad pulled into the driveway….our house was built to their liking over 2 decades ago where one can enter the basement by way of the hidden door connected to the 4 car garage. Shrugging my shoulders I simply said “ok” as I got up to find the selected song she wanted.
After finding the song, I heard my pops rolled into the driveway blasting his favorite Oldies music…so being the obedient teen I was, I grabbed the remote and began blasting the song my mom wanted me to play…only one verse stuck out up to this day, it was “how could you play me like this? my heart is torn to pieces”…at that time my pops entered the side door into the basement, I can tell that he was flustered, I don’t even think he noticed me sitting in the game room around the corner from the side door because he didn’t give me my usual line “how was my princess today?” No, he didn’t even spare me a glance, instead he walked to the hidden drawer at the bottom of the staircase and pulled out his pistol…
Like clockwork the door on the first floor opened, my dad reacted by rounding the bottom of the stairs, aimed his pistol and fired one shot towards the top of the stairs …..I heard a gasp as our housekeepers body roll down the flight of stairs, I was so occupied by watching her body that I didn’t even see when my mom made her way halfway down the stairs I looked up and she was there with her gun in hand aimed at pops forehead *POP!* then my dad was laying on the floor next to the housekeepers body.
Tears were streaming down my face I felt like I was in a bad dream…mom looked at me with a sad smile then said “call 911” as she calmly walked back upstairs with the gun in her hand and a smile on her face.
I am many…yet I am few, the shell of one, the body of them.
My interests varies from A to Z, my style is multicolor with a black base… So who am I?
I am me.
I am not defined by your standards, my complex ways may appear indecisive but keep in mind that this body is just a shell…if broken, I will not be able to contain the many that dwells within…they will all become their own person which will bring about chaos…so this shell will remain intact as I continue to skip and dance in new adventures determine to occupy the many sides of me… because my days and nights never ends.
Often times I listen and want to comply,
Often times I listen but know it’s a lie.
One day will I listen and fuel the fire? Will I wallow in the glory of death for bloods attire?
Often times I wonder… will I listen?
To my heart,
Please don’t stop beating, your presence keeps me grounded, the sound of your humming soothes my rage
My heart, please don’t stop smiling, you make my life worth living feeding my soul from your glowing energy
Please do t stop, my heart…please.
The door was locked when I arrived beaten and lost…with bleeding hands I pounded the solid oak hoping for help…but no one came….stumbling through the dark I crawled to the next door which was slightly ajar, so I pushed while screaming for help… the door became stuck…and then I noticed a shadow in the dim light… sticking my torn hand through the gap, I begged for help…but the shadow disappeared… knowing that I can go no further I withdrew my hand as I withdrew myself, into myself thinking, only I can save me…
Nothing is forever, nothing will ever be perfect…
the right moment is a dream, the pain will come to engulf you when you least expect it and then your joy will be shattered like fragile china…
harmony will never be felt because of the storm raging so close to the surface…
nothing is forever and forever means nothing.